Blog from Uranus

Well, two and a half weeks later......... THE GOOD I have worn knickers! Only a couple of times.....they still hurt, and I have had to resort to cutting some of them in shreds, but yes, I am sometimes decent. On the other hand, thank goodness for glorious weather and long flowing dresses! It makes going commando easier to manage. I get up, and normally stay up all day! I can even stay up until the 10.00pm news is over. I occasionally resort to a nap in the day, but not often. I have done some Pilates! Sounds impressive, I lie on the floor and my lovely Trainer stretches my legs. At least I could get up and down off the floor. I have been out! I went across the island - all of 20 mins drive, for a massage. I think it is the first time she has seen a client with shredded knickers, but she is broadminded. The massage was wonderful, and eased a lot of muscle spasm. I have been invited to join a trip to Ireland in September. I've never really been to Ireland other than a day...

Well I can’t believe it’s two weeks since I last wrote this blog, although in another way it seems a long time ago. The last 10 days of treatment were literally a right pain. I do seek attention, and do like to be‘special’, so it came as no surprise when a doctor I didn’t know was called in, on inspecting my bits, exclaimed “Oh my God” Are they meant to say that? She was clearly seeing something not very pretty. She muttered something about a very severe reaction and scuttled out of the room quite quickly, saying I would be seeing my own doctor the next day. Following that, I saw my own lovely Oncologist. She had a similar look on her face when examining me, stating that it was “not nice”. I think I told her that it did not feel nice. I think I would have been better suited to lying on a Butcher’s Block. My final Consultation was with the Specialist colo/rectal Nurse/Radiographer. He is quite a character, and has quite a wicked sense of humour, and yes, we have something in common....

RING OF FIRE And so it goes on. Minibus each day, collecting a group of people from the Isle of Wight ferry on our way to the hospital.We make a motley group. I’m dying to ask where their’s is, but hold back. I am a naturally nosy person! As we arrive, a couple of people hang back to light up their cigarettes! Can you believe it? One is a lady who is really struggling with throat cancer, now I see why she chose to have a peg feed rather than a gastro nasal tube. WTF! Wish I was big boss...... Nobody else would qualify for the Ministry of Funny Walks, only me. I already had achieved a high standard, but as I burn, I am reaching higher levels! We have had lots of visitors, which brighten up our days. Ex Kenya friends and Jersey friends who are in this area call in. My dear, lovely ex-college friend, who happens to live in my mum’s little Welsh village came down with hubby in their Campervan, and stayed on a nearby campsite in Netley. The four of us were great pals 50 years ago at ...

If it’s not one, it’s another. My time is spent either on the toilet or sitting in a waiting room. Fortunately we have 3 toilets in the apartment, on one I frequently immerse my bottom into salty water, on another I have  to hobble quickly (difficult) and frequently. I dislike public toilets immensely, but unfortunately have to spend much time on the Hospital ones. After arriving at the hospital, I check in, and a little (sometimes a long time) later, I am told to start drinking. I then have to empty my bladder, and down 2 litres of water in 10 minutes I then sit and wait for an hour, in which time I cannot go to the toilet. By the time I am called in for the treatment, I have to try and walk with my knees together. This is a difficult manoeuvre when one leg doesn’t work! When the radiotherapy session is finished, I get dressed and bolt in a hobbly sort of way to the toilet. I am often beaten to it by a desperate looking man dressed only in his hospital gown, shoes and socks (??) a...

Fizzy Bottom, 32 Nausea Terrace, Vomit Street, Trumpington. The week starting with us in Sauna Conditions for the hottest early May Bank Holiday on Record. Our French Window was still broken, despite constant phone calls. “We are waiting for parts” Have we ever heard that before? I am a sun lover, but not at the moment. I yearn for the arctic conditions of the North coast of Jersey. I never thought I would say that. The rest of the week is spent well and truly ‘in the club’. Hours and hours are spent waiting in the hospital. I chat to everyone who seems approachable. Serious Bloke, who doesn’t believe in wasting unnecessary words, sits immersed in his Sudoku. He is addicted to it. He could be anywhere. I gawp around. A number of people with naso - gastric tubes, conspicuously more than we noticed 6 years ago. Young women with bald heads. A dodgy little prisoner with handcuffs and chains tied to two burly prison officers. He smiles at me, I look away,  trying not to noti...

‘Let the good times begin’ Condor Ferries obviously knew all about me. They knew that I was in for a load of fun. I couldn’t wait. For the first time ever, I managed to sleep on the overnight ferry. How come? Has my mind totally detached itself from the next 12 weeks of my life? I feel strangely calm. We arrived at the sophisticated Premier Inn, where they kindly gave us a room at 8.30am. We were impressed with the beautiful view of a brick wall. The tatty place served its purpose, but I would have preferred luxury at this stage. We wandered into the City Centre on Sunday. Serious Bloke ( long story ) AKA Cabin Boy, AKA Mike was  surprised to see all the shops open. It frightened him. He has led a sheltered life, poor soul. We got a UK SIM card and nasty little phone, being reassured it would cover our beloved island on its bargain bundle of £10 per day for all calls and texts. After 2 days we had run out of money and had to top up.... No,  it did not include our little ...