Blog from Uranus

If it’s not one, it’s another. My time is spent either on the toilet or sitting in a waiting room. Fortunately we have 3 toilets in the apartment, on one I frequently immerse my bottom into salty water, on another I have  to hobble quickly (difficult) and frequently. I dislike public toilets immensely, but unfortunately have to spend much time on the Hospital ones. After arriving at the hospital, I check in, and a little (sometimes a long time) later, I am told to start drinking. I then have to empty my bladder, and down 2 litres of water in 10 minutes I then sit and wait for an hour, in which time I cannot go to the toilet. By the time I am called in for the treatment, I have to try and walk with my knees together. This is a difficult manoeuvre when one leg doesn’t work! When the radiotherapy session is finished, I get dressed and bolt in a hobbly sort of way to the toilet. I am often beaten to it by a desperate looking man dressed only in his hospital gown, shoes and socks (??) a...

Fizzy Bottom, 32 Nausea Terrace, Vomit Street, Trumpington. The week starting with us in Sauna Conditions for the hottest early May Bank Holiday on Record. Our French Window was still broken, despite constant phone calls. “We are waiting for parts” Have we ever heard that before? I am a sun lover, but not at the moment. I yearn for the arctic conditions of the North coast of Jersey. I never thought I would say that. The rest of the week is spent well and truly ‘in the club’. Hours and hours are spent waiting in the hospital. I chat to everyone who seems approachable. Serious Bloke, who doesn’t believe in wasting unnecessary words, sits immersed in his Sudoku. He is addicted to it. He could be anywhere. I gawp around. A number of people with naso - gastric tubes, conspicuously more than we noticed 6 years ago. Young women with bald heads. A dodgy little prisoner with handcuffs and chains tied to two burly prison officers. He smiles at me, I look away,  trying not to noti...

‘Let the good times begin’ Condor Ferries obviously knew all about me. They knew that I was in for a load of fun. I couldn’t wait. For the first time ever, I managed to sleep on the overnight ferry. How come? Has my mind totally detached itself from the next 12 weeks of my life? I feel strangely calm. We arrived at the sophisticated Premier Inn, where they kindly gave us a room at 8.30am. We were impressed with the beautiful view of a brick wall. The tatty place served its purpose, but I would have preferred luxury at this stage. We wandered into the City Centre on Sunday. Serious Bloke ( long story ) AKA Cabin Boy, AKA Mike was  surprised to see all the shops open. It frightened him. He has led a sheltered life, poor soul. We got a UK SIM card and nasty little phone, being reassured it would cover our beloved island on its bargain bundle of £10 per day for all calls and texts. After 2 days we had run out of money and had to top up.... No,  it did not include our little ...