Need to go again
People of delicate disposition, Vicars’ wives, Vicars, please do not continue. It may cause offence.
I am writing this because I have been on the Internet, and became frightened with people saying they nearly died with diarrhoea, nausea and nasty things. I aim to provide a lighter view of my progress through something rather horrible.
Without trying to bore you, but I feel as if I have had my fair share of crap. At the gentle age of 16, I was in and out of hospital with serious back problems. This resulted in rather heavy spinal and neurological surgery at the age of 22. I didn’t know for some time that I had a form of Spina Bifida. A big part of my spine has been encased in metal since. I even had to have it done again at the age of 45 when my spine near collapsed. Then the big bit! An intra cerebral brain haemorrhage on my 56th birthday. I am now paralysed down my left side. My leg works a bit, but I am wobbly. My arm and hand have had it, my hand is like a claw. I am, as my mum would say, a cripple. ( I am allowed to be politically incorrect )
Then, I had to care for the wondrous Cabin Boy (AKA the husband) when he nearly died from either throat cancer, or from the hideous, aggressive treatment he had. ( Not very long ago) That was a nightmare. We. both said at the time that we would rather die than either of us to have to go through that. Maybe more later.
Of course I could now qualify as a doctor, because of my experiences, and because I watch Holby
City and Casualty.
I have had IBS for years. One day, having spent a morning in a very shitty way, I managed to get an appointment for a colonoscopy. Now if you have ever had one, you will have taken THE SACHETS. If you haven’t, don’t read on…why did they not warn me? I managed to poo the bed, the carpet, the oak floor and everything else between me and the toilet. The “procedure” was a doddle after that lot. Be warned if you ever have one. Wear a bloody big nappy and put a rubber sheet on your bed!
I was diagnosed with diverticulosis and they found an interesting thing called a fissure. Doesn’t that happen to the earth’s crust? I know I might have a bug bum – but. It also included a biopsy (I got my money’s worth)
After that, we went on holiday to Kenya. A place we love. At the end of the second week, just walking up a step in our room, my foot twisted, I put my whole weight on it, and crunch, yes a fractured f...ing foot. Visits to hospitals out there, different plaster casts, then home to green, pink and purple ones.
So, appointments for the foot and the bum. The bum one resulting in day surgery to investigate the fissure. They decided to keep me in overnight as I was late in theatre. The following morning I mentioned to the nurse that I thought I might be bleeding a little. She replied that it was perfectly normal. I stood up and my insides dropped out, like a goat giving birth. I thought I was about to shrivel up on the floor, becoming just a heap of wrinkly skin. I trotted off to the toilet leaving a trail of blood. Whizzed down to theatre, another general anaesthetic and stitches.
Scans the next day, then finally all packed up and ready for home. We were waiting at the Nurse’s Station for a form or something, I felt a bit ‘woozy’ and was caught on a passing commode. Minutes later I came round to look up at a host of heavenly young male faces. No, I hadn’t died and gone to Heaven, It was the crash team! I did say I like attention…obviously, I survived. It was just a faint, but resulted in Day surgery becoming a 5 day stay. I must say though, I do think we have an abundance of very attractive young male doctors.
I had cancelled my Health insurance as the only bit of my body that wasn’t insured was my backside. I have ANAL cancer. WTF? ANAL? It can’t even be discussed in the local Waitrose – maybe breast, prostate, even colon, but ANAL! Shit! Yes, more to come.
So this is my blog. I don’t know how to do one, but will transfer this into one when I find a grandchild to show the way. I am a grandmother, I am 70 this year.
I am extremely happily married to the man I fell in love with at first sight. He openly admits that he is the most boring man he knows. But I still love him; he does everything for me (apart from when I did everything for him) once.
Now back to the ANAL bit. It is often a result of multiple sex partners (did I miss it?) Anal sex (was I drugged?) Poor diet, common in lower social classes, - I shop in WAITROSE! I eat brown rice, bulgur wheat, quinoa, (well I have some in the cupboard) nuts and stuff, I even make my own muesli! So WTF?
So off I embark on my anal canal voyage.
I am writing this because I have been on the Internet, and became frightened with people saying they nearly died with diarrhoea, nausea and nasty things. I aim to provide a lighter view of my progress through something rather horrible.
Shit Happens
Well, here we go again. Do I have a large cow flying over me, whilst others have the bluebird of happiness.Without trying to bore you, but I feel as if I have had my fair share of crap. At the gentle age of 16, I was in and out of hospital with serious back problems. This resulted in rather heavy spinal and neurological surgery at the age of 22. I didn’t know for some time that I had a form of Spina Bifida. A big part of my spine has been encased in metal since. I even had to have it done again at the age of 45 when my spine near collapsed. Then the big bit! An intra cerebral brain haemorrhage on my 56th birthday. I am now paralysed down my left side. My leg works a bit, but I am wobbly. My arm and hand have had it, my hand is like a claw. I am, as my mum would say, a cripple. ( I am allowed to be politically incorrect )
Then, I had to care for the wondrous Cabin Boy (AKA the husband) when he nearly died from either throat cancer, or from the hideous, aggressive treatment he had. ( Not very long ago) That was a nightmare. We. both said at the time that we would rather die than either of us to have to go through that. Maybe more later.
Of course I could now qualify as a doctor, because of my experiences, and because I watch Holby
City and Casualty.
I have had IBS for years. One day, having spent a morning in a very shitty way, I managed to get an appointment for a colonoscopy. Now if you have ever had one, you will have taken THE SACHETS. If you haven’t, don’t read on…why did they not warn me? I managed to poo the bed, the carpet, the oak floor and everything else between me and the toilet. The “procedure” was a doddle after that lot. Be warned if you ever have one. Wear a bloody big nappy and put a rubber sheet on your bed!
I was diagnosed with diverticulosis and they found an interesting thing called a fissure. Doesn’t that happen to the earth’s crust? I know I might have a bug bum – but. It also included a biopsy (I got my money’s worth)
After that, we went on holiday to Kenya. A place we love. At the end of the second week, just walking up a step in our room, my foot twisted, I put my whole weight on it, and crunch, yes a fractured f...ing foot. Visits to hospitals out there, different plaster casts, then home to green, pink and purple ones.
So, appointments for the foot and the bum. The bum one resulting in day surgery to investigate the fissure. They decided to keep me in overnight as I was late in theatre. The following morning I mentioned to the nurse that I thought I might be bleeding a little. She replied that it was perfectly normal. I stood up and my insides dropped out, like a goat giving birth. I thought I was about to shrivel up on the floor, becoming just a heap of wrinkly skin. I trotted off to the toilet leaving a trail of blood. Whizzed down to theatre, another general anaesthetic and stitches.
Scans the next day, then finally all packed up and ready for home. We were waiting at the Nurse’s Station for a form or something, I felt a bit ‘woozy’ and was caught on a passing commode. Minutes later I came round to look up at a host of heavenly young male faces. No, I hadn’t died and gone to Heaven, It was the crash team! I did say I like attention…obviously, I survived. It was just a faint, but resulted in Day surgery becoming a 5 day stay. I must say though, I do think we have an abundance of very attractive young male doctors.
Cancer, fucking cancer.
Holy shit, I’ve had everything else.I had cancelled my Health insurance as the only bit of my body that wasn’t insured was my backside. I have ANAL cancer. WTF? ANAL? It can’t even be discussed in the local Waitrose – maybe breast, prostate, even colon, but ANAL! Shit! Yes, more to come.
So this is my blog. I don’t know how to do one, but will transfer this into one when I find a grandchild to show the way. I am a grandmother, I am 70 this year.
I am extremely happily married to the man I fell in love with at first sight. He openly admits that he is the most boring man he knows. But I still love him; he does everything for me (apart from when I did everything for him) once.
Now back to the ANAL bit. It is often a result of multiple sex partners (did I miss it?) Anal sex (was I drugged?) Poor diet, common in lower social classes, - I shop in WAITROSE! I eat brown rice, bulgur wheat, quinoa, (well I have some in the cupboard) nuts and stuff, I even make my own muesli! So WTF?
So off I embark on my anal canal voyage.
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